Chapter Meeting : Saturday, July 19, 2008 , at 4:00-6:00 PM Venue is at the Greenhills Christian Fellowship, Ruby Corner Garnet Sts, Ortigas Center , Read details here .
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“It's a good way to die.” Don't they know there is no good way for a child to die? Can't they understand there's nothing good about his being snatched away from our life? “Remember, everything is God's will.” Don't they know I can't understand how God could cause me such despair? Don't they understand that I can't accept this as God's will?
“All things work together for good for those who love God.” Don't they know I'm not sure I can love a God who robbed me of my child? Can't they understand I'm very angry at God, who treated me so unfairly? “Your child is better off. He's gone to Heaven, where he will have eternal peace.” Don't they know I can't be relieved to know Hess in Heaven when I ache so to have him back? Can't they understand that his death is an injustice, not a godsend? “Count your blessings.” Don't they know that in this state of mind I can't in my wildest dreams consider all this pain, this anger, this emptiness, this frustration a blessing? “If you look around you, you'll find someone worse off than you are.” Don't they know right now I can't imagine anyone worse off than I am?
“Think of all your precious memories.” Don't they know how much it hurts to live with nothing more than memories? Can't they understand that because our love was so great, the pain is more intense?
“Keep your chin up.” Don't they know how hard it is to do that when I really want to cry, to wail, and to scream at the injustice that has been dealt me?
“You must put it all behind you and get on with your life.” Don't they know we don't hurt by choice when our children die? I haven't met a bereaved parent yet who wasn't really weary of hurting. “Time will heal.” Don't they know how time is dragging for me now, that every minute seems like an hour and every hour like a day? Can't they understand how frightening it is to face the rest of my life without my child?
“If there's anything I can do, let me know.” Don't they know they shouldn't wait for me to “let them know?” Can't they understand that my mind is so numb I can't even think of what needs to be done?
Don't they know? Of course these wonderful, concerned, well-meaning friends don't know. They can only guess how I feel. They haven't personally known (thank God) the disbelief, the shock, the anger, the depression that has filled my heart and soul since my child died. They don't know that the words I need to hear are, “I know you must be hurting terribly. You had such a good life together, the pain must be awful. You need to express your anger, your frustration. I know it must be hard for you to believe that God is a loving God who will support you through this horrible tragedy.” They can't know words aren't necessary, that just being there, holding my hand, crying with me, or listening to me would be much more comforting than words they feel they must say.
-By Anita Gordon, TCF Colorado Springs, CO, in memory of her son, Marcus Grant Garrett, 3/23/1990—4/21/2001
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Chapter Meeting
Our monthly support group meeting is the heart of TCF. These gatherings provide a caring environment in which bereaved parents and adult siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences they are going through and receive the understanding support of others who have "been there." Read more.
TCF Principles
TCF offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents.
TCF believes that bereaved parents can help each other toward a positive resolution of their grief.
TCF reaches out to all bereaved parents across barriers of religion, race, income or ethnic group.
TCF understands that every bereaved parent has individual needs and rights.
TCF helps bereaved parents primarily through local chapters.
TCF chapters belong to their members.
TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents everywhere.
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