The Chapter Meeting

Monthly Meetings are usually held every 3rd Saturday of the month but on November it will be the second sunday. There are no fees or dues in order to attend our meetings. Next meeting is January 20, 2007

USUAL VENUE

Venue: Seniors room, Greenhills Christian Fellowship (GCF)

Address: Ruby corner Garnet Rds.,Ortigas Center, Pasig City (Behind Galleria)

Map: View Location Map

Time: 4:00 to 6:00 PM

Date:  January 20, 2007

Topic: a video presentation from Grief Share on "Your family and grief with special emphasis on the death of a child"

View Location Map

TO OUR NEW MEMBERS
Coming to your first meeting is the hardest thing to do. Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether or not TCF will work for you. The second, third, or fourth meeting might be the time you will find the right person or just the right words that will help you in your grief or comfort you. Remember we have all been there and even though circumstances may be different we really do understand. You are not alone.

TO OUR OLDER MEMBERS
We need your encouragement and support. You are the string that ties our group together. Each meeting we have new parents. Think back…. remember hearing from others farther along than you…“your pain will not always be this bad it really does get better” Come to the meetings and share your wisdom. Show others that there is hope, from someone who has found it.

  

A safe place. . . to share the sadness, hopelessness, anger, numbness, or any of the hundred's of other feelings you're experiencing due to the loss of your child.

A non - judgmental atmosphere. . . a place of acceptance and understanding, with many listening ears and hearts.  It's perfectly okay to stay quiet with absolutely NO PRESSURE to say a word.

A fellowship of hope. . . where others know the depths of the pain you're going through, rather than being able only to acknowledge it. It's a group of men and women who encourage one another to 'go on' when facing one more day seems impossible

• Our members take turns being 'Greeter' for newcomers. You will be met at the door and led to our registration desk.  We usually have light refreshments, also.  Don't be shocked when you hear laughter - many parents have commented that they thought they were in the wrong place!  There is laughter amidst our tears.

•  Meeting Opening:  Welcome, and we read the TCF Credo.  Also, any announcements of upcoming events are discussed.  We go around the circle and introduce ourselves, tell our child's story, and mention any upcoming special/difficult days.  (You are never pressured to speak

• Program:  We usually have a special topic which are listed in advance at the Events section.  It may be 'open discussion', where we talk of pending holidays and complications.  If we are a large group, we will sometimes separate into smaller groups.  Meetings last approximately 1 1/2 to 2 hours

•  Closing:  We join hands, as our Greeter reads a short poem or affirmation.

• You are welcome at this time to stay, speak with other parents.   It is a great time to make connections with other parents on a one-to-one basis.  We are all willing to talk, listen, and to offer a phone call mid-month, as you learn to live day by day

•  Topic for February 25,2006  is "Creative Ways of Remembering your Loved One" by Alma Miclat
  

Our meetings are a safe place for us to express ourselves. Just as we all want to be free of judgment, we will not judge or criticize others.

• Everything that is said in our meetings is confidential and will not be discussed outside of the meetings. We all respect each other's privacy.

• Many have found our religions and faith in God to be comforting; others  have felt their whole belief system was shattered. We must deal with these  issues as individuals and in our own time. We kindly request that no one pushed their beliefs on the group.

•  No one is required to talk at any meeting. We understand how difficult that can be when our grief is so fresh. We do ask that you listen, however.
  

• Crosstalking is discouraged during the “sharing” . This is to ensure a safe place for bereaved family members to share his/her feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule. Interrupting, questioning and offering advice is considered crosstalking.

• The 'open discussion' is the only time to crosstalk, and after the sharing of the bereaved family members is over. Use “I” when giving feedback to another bereaved parent/sibling.
  

• Take what you need and leave the rest.
  

 Memorial Birthday Tables

Each month, we have a memorial birthday table at our meeting.Anyone whose child has a birthday during that month is invited to display pictures and remembrances on the table.  You may also bring a birthday cake or your child's favorite treat to share with those attending. Below is an example (courtesy of the  USA TCF Chapter) of a beautiful birthday table:

Sharing with others is the very heart of The Compassionate Friends (TCF). Chapter meetings are havens where members feel free to talk about their children who have died; the emotions they are going through; the painful, thoughtless comments that may have been made to them; their feelings of sadness, guilt or anger—things no one else wants to hear them talk about. They discuss the progress they are making and ways of coping that have been helpful to them.

With the guidance and reassurance of members who are further along in their grief journey, gradually—sometimes over a period of many months or several years—they resolve what has happened, find a “new normal” and begin rebuilding their lives.

The Compassionate Friends is not a therapy group, nor are chapter meetings “therapy” sessions. Yet, healing is slowly and gently promoted as families gain insight and understanding. At chapter meetings we learn that we are not alone in facing this terrible tragedy—others have also faced the isolation and desperation this loss can bring.

Families who have felt they were coping effectively with their loss, as well as those who are discouraged by their lack of progress, have found attending meetings to be helpful. While there are no instant solutions, no easy answers, and no timetable for grieving, there is comfort in the sense of direction found through knowledge and understanding of the grief experience. Bereaved families can find hope and healing.

Anything expressed in our meetings are considered confidential.

Other Common questions:

1. If I go to a meeting, will I have to talk?
No one is required to talk at any meeting. We understand how difficult that can be when our grief is so fresh. We do ask that you listen, however.

2 .My child was an adult and didn't live at home. Can I still go to a meeting?
Chapter meetings are open to all families who have experienced the death of a child, at any age, from any cause. Regardless of age, we in TCF believe our children will always be thought of as just that.....our children.

3. Is there a charge to attend?
There is never a charge to attend a TCF meeting. Our chapters rely on voluntary donations from members, friends and the community at large.

4. What happens at a meeting?
Some meetings are simply introducing ourselves and sharing our thoughts and feelings. At other times, chapters have short programs before the sharing time. The programs may include a brief guest speaker, viewing a video tape, or listening to an audio tape.

5.Can I bring a friend with me?
Of course, you can bring a friend, but we ask that they, as well as all members, respect each other's privacy. It is important for us to be able to share freely within our group and be sure confidences will be respected.

6. My husband says he won't come with me. Can I come alone?
Yes. We all grieve differently and he may not be ready to take part just yet...or ever. And, likewise, many husbands attend meetings without their wives.

7. Religion doesn't matter to me anymore. Can people at a meeting accept that?
I think you will find TCF members are very tolerant of any views. After the death of a child, many priorities, as well as values, change.

8. I notice the meeting is in a church. Do I have to belong to a church to attend?
TCF has no religious affiliation at all. Chapters meetings are held in a wide variety of locations depending upon what is available in our communities.

9. I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be all right to bring my five year old with me?
While we understand the difficulties of finding child care, we must ask that any children attending with you be old enough to understand the meeting discussions and not be upset by them. Some chapters have sibling groups for children twelve or older; check with your local chapter about this.

10. Do I need a reservation before I come to a meeting?
No reservations are needed. Just come whenever you feel up to it.

11. My child died seven years ago, and I postponed my grief work. Now it's catching up with me. Is it too late to come now?
We all grieve differently. Many parents don't feel the need of a support group until years after the death of a child. It's all right to come whenever you are ready, whether it's soon ater child's death,months later or years later.

A message for Bereaved Parents and Siblings

At The Compassionate Friends you will find the special understanding of those who have "been there". There are no pressures to talk or not talk, to cry or not cry, just a chance to be yourself, to have time-out.

The Compassionate Friends offers a safe haven, a listening and understanding ear, a place where you can let down the masks, and if you wish, talk about your son or daughter who has died.

The Compassionate Friends offers no miracle cure, just comfort and the consolation and hope that broken threads can be picked up again.

The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.