Grief is defined as the reaction to loss and to ‘resolve’ something means to change or
transform it.

Therefore, grief resolution means to change or transform our reaction to the loss of our child.

This definition says nothing about forgetting the child, not missing her or not wishing she were still with us, many years after the death. It says we will think and feel differently about having lost him or her.

It’s been 20 years since my son, Arthur was killed. I don’t hurt anymore when I think of him. I am always aware that my family is incomplete and frequently I experience a feeling of regret for what might have been. But I no longer think of Arthur every day or feel the searing pain of loss that I felt for so long.

I can remember what a beautiful child he was. I can remember cute things he did. I can
remember the no-so-cute things he did, also. I remember many precious things about him, but
remembering does not hurt anymore.

Of course, not hurting does not mean that I don’t care that Arthur is dead or that his six short years haven’t affected my life - even today. It says I have changed how I react to his death.

That’s what ‘resolving your grief’ means. It means that you can go through a day or week without intense pain and longing. It means that you can think of the years you had with your child and smile. It means that you can enjoy yourself again without feeling guilty.

It means that you can live and invest in new interests, even though they don’t include your child.
It means that you can think of him without hurting. It means that your reaction to your child’s death is changed. As one mother put it, ‘Now I can think of his life more than his death. For me, that’s resolution.’

Margaret Gerner
TCF USA St. Louis MO,