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Timetable of Grief |
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Written by Healing After Loss
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Thursday, 05 October 2006 |
~daily message from Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman
What restraint or limit should there be to grief for one so dear?
~Horace
There is no universal time frame for grieving. There are as many
patterns as there are mourners. Much depends on what kind of support
system we have and how able we are - often with the help of friends -
to face and express our grief.
But one things we don't need to be intimidated by is the implied or
expressed opinions of self-appointed monitors who think we are
grieving "too long" or "making too much fuss," or whatever admonition
their words or presence sends us.
Of course, if we find ourselves totally nonfunctional after months
have passed, we may want to seek professional help. But we can be
sure a wise helper in not going to tell us we are grieving too long
or too much. On the contrary, if we are stuck on the pathway to
recovery, it's much more likely that we've not given ourselves
permission to grieve openly and honestly enough.
So if someone says to us, by word or by action, "You should be over
that by now," we can recall the words from the Talmud: "Judge no one
before you have been in his place."
Only from within me can my timetable of grief be discovered.
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