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Unspoken Grief |
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Written by Healing After Loss
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Thursday, 05 October 2006 |
~daily message from Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak. Whispers the oe'r fraught heart and bids it break.
~William Shakespeare
The pressure of unspoken grief is like that inside a pressure cooker - it builds and builds until one feels as though another tiny increment of pain will drive one mad.
Speak. Tell a friend. Tell another friend, or the same friend again. A wise friend will know one must tell this tale again and again.
One way to begin - particularly if death has been unexpected and hard to believe - is to recount to this understanding friend, in as much detail as you can remember, the events of the day on which death occurred. "I got up in the morning. I had my usual breakfast of cereal and juice and coffee. I read the paper" - as mundane as that.
This kind of retelling of the day grounds the event in the real world and helps us begin to believe the terrible truth of that day. What happened is not a fantasy, or something we can put in a bubble and hold away from the rest of our life. It took place in real time, on a real day, and while it will be terribly sad to recount, the recounting will help release the pressure inside and activate the flow of healing - friend to friend.
As often as I need to, I will tell my story.
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TCF Principles
TCF offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents. TCF believes that bereaved parents can help each other toward a positive resolution of their grief. TCF reaches out to all bereaved parents across barriers of religion, race, income or ethnic group. TCF understands that every bereaved parent has individual needs and rights. TCF helps bereaved parents primarily through local chapters. TCF chapters belong to their members. TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents everywhere. Read more on Our Principles
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