The Compassionate Friends Philippines (Grief support group for bereaved family members in the Philippines)

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chapter meeting : September 18, 2010 at 4:30-6:30 PM13 Venue is at the Greenhills Fellowship Center, Ruby Cor Garnet Sts, Ortigas Center

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TCF Featured

The co-founders of The Compassionate Friends Philippines were featured on the January 8 issue of the Sunday Inquirer Magazine. The following link will take you to INQ7.net : Survivor Tales :But What Do You Call Someone Who Lost A Child?

TCF Credo

We need not walk alone.

We are The Compassionate Friends.

We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope.

Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes,
but our love for our children unites us.

Your pain becomes my pain just as your hope becomes my hope.

We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances.

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Visitors: 3239505

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If you see a member online, you might want to chat. Click here to go to the chat room. If you are a registered member, please login first.

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Articles

Those helping bereaved families

When you wish upon a star

Written by TCF (Elaine Grier)
Sunday, 15 January 2006
WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR Every time I am in a group of bereaved parents, I hear people say things like, "I wish my child hadn't died" or "I wish I had him back." Those wishes, unfortunately, can never come true. Another wish I hear is "I wish my friends (or church, or neighbors, or relatives) understood what I am going through and were more supportive." This is a wish that has some possibility of coming true if we are able to be honest and assertive with the people around us. What do we wish others understood about the loss of our child? Here is a partial list of such wishes: 1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was important and I need to hear his name. 2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing. 3. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances. 4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling. 5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or a pet. 6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. 7. I wish you knew all of the "crazy" grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. 8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent", but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent". 9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident-prone, all of which may be related to my grief. 10. Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are a terrible times for us. I wish you would tell us that you are thinking about our child on these days, and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful. 11. It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty. 12. I wish you wouldn't offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches, and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal. 13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - - maybe you'll still like me.. Instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we have a obligation to teach people some of the things we have learned about our grief. We can teach these lessons with great kindness,believing that people have good intentions and want to do what is right, but just don't know what to do with us , or we can sit and wait, I believe our children would want us to help the world understand. Elaine Grier, TCF Atlanta, Ga

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Beraved family members, please register here to have access to our other features. Registration is free however registration needs to be approved by our admins. Once registration is approved, please login with your username and password . Registered users need to be logged in by using the login form below to see the User Menu.

Want to Volunteer?

If you would like to volunteer some of your spare time to work for TCF and would like to find out more about how you can 'put back' into The Compassionate friends, download Volunteer Form (word doc) and fill up the form. Then submit the same form by emailing us at info@compassioantefriends.info . Read more on how to become a volunteer.

We Charge No Dues

WE CHARGE NO DUES- There are no fees, however, we are supported by LOVE GIFTS and contributions, provided in memory of our loved ones, so that we may reach out to others in their bereavement through our chapter resources such as Newsletters, Website, Postage stamps, Lending library and brochures. (support the isulong seoph )

Chapter Meeting

Our monthly support group meeting is the heart of TCF. These gatherings provide a caring environment in which bereaved parents and adult siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences they are going through and receive the understanding support of others who have "been there." Read more.

TCF Principles

TCF offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents.

TCF believes that bereaved parents can help each other toward a positive resolution of their grief.

TCF reaches out to all bereaved parents across barriers of religion, race, income or ethnic group.

TCF understands that every bereaved parent has individual needs and rights.

TCF helps bereaved parents primarily through local chapters.

TCF chapters belong to their members.

TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents everywhere.