Chapter Meeting : Saturday, November 15, 2008 , at 4:00-6:00 PM Venue is at the Greenhills Christian Fellowship, Ruby Corner Garnet Sts, Ortigas Center , Read details here .
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Taken from "Transitions" August 2000 Newsletter. To subscribe to the newsletter visit: http://www.beyondindigo.com/newsletters/
They told me to be strong For my Mother needed me. They told me not to cry, So I did it silently. They told me he had passed away. And I couldn't understand "It was God's will" "It was his time." So I wondered how could death be a part of the plan of a God who was loving and kind. I grieved alone.
I was 12 years old when my father died. Now, 39 years later, I look back and realize that at that time, children were thought of as invisible when it came to grief. But in actuality, children grieve just as adults do. Each child's journey through the grief process is unique. There are no rules on how it should be done correctly. However, there are some guidelines. It is my hope in writing this article that no other child or parent will never have to travel the grief road alone, as I did.
I lived through the MYTHS of childhood grief. They are as follows:
(1) It is assumed that children do not grieve or grieve only at a certain age.
Actually, children grieve at any age. However, their developmental stage determines how it is manifested. We'll speak more about the developmental stages later in this article.
(2) Death is the only major loss a child or adolescent will ever experience.
Any loss is a death process to a child. The loss of a pet, a divorce, and a move are all traumatic events. If a family member has died, these losses may cause re-grieving. Re-grieving is a re-experiencing of a past loss. It intensifies the experience.
(3) It is appropriate to shield children from tragedy.
I remember the minister telling me of my father's death. I had no idea what he was saying. His words were so vague and obscure that I didn't know he was telling me my father was dead. I walked back into the classroom to get my books and the little boy who sat next to me said, "I'm sorry your father died." That's when I knew what had happened. Standing in the middle of a silent classroom of peers, I learned what an adult couldn't tell me, my father had died. (4) Children should either always attend funerals or never attend.
It really needs to be the choice of the child or adolescent. Rituals help with closure, but each child is a unique individual. They need to be supported and educated in what will happen to participate in what is right for them.
(5) Loss fades quickly for a child.
No one gets over a significant loss. We can accept it, adjust to it, and learn to live with it, but it doesn't go away. The fact that a child can play may fool others into thinking that grief is over. In reality, children cannot tolerate long periods of sadness. The grief is not over and may be acted out in other ways.
(6) Children are permanently scarred by early, significant loss.
With love, support, and a healthy atmosphere, most people, including children, are resilient and can learn to live with loss.
(7) Talking is the most effective tool for helping children and adolescents deal with grief.
There is value in talking, but for children and adolescents, other creative outlets work best. Creative modes that are helpful are play, art, dance, music, activity and rituals. All of these are needed to express grief and loss. (8) Helping children and adolescents deal with loss is the responsibility of the family.
Do you remember earlier, I mentioned I was told to be strong and take care of my mother? Children need support from the family. They especially heal if the surviving parent doesn't abandon them. However, they truly need a network of individuals including family, school, possibly church or youth organizations, and hospice if a long-term illness is involved. Many times the family is too busy just taking care of themselves. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child
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Chapter Meeting
Our monthly support group meeting is the heart of TCF. These gatherings provide a caring environment in which bereaved parents and adult siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences they are going through and receive the understanding support of others who have "been there." Read more.
TCF Principles
TCF offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents.
TCF believes that bereaved parents can help each other toward a positive resolution of their grief.
TCF reaches out to all bereaved parents across barriers of religion, race, income or ethnic group.
TCF understands that every bereaved parent has individual needs and rights.
TCF helps bereaved parents primarily through local chapters.
TCF chapters belong to their members.
TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents everywhere.
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