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chapter meeting : September 18, 2010 at 4:30-6:30 PM13 Venue is at the Greenhills Fellowship Center, Ruby Cor Garnet Sts, Ortigas Center
 

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TCF Featured

The co-founders of The Compassionate Friends Philippines were featured on the January 8 issue of the  Sunday Inquirer Magazine. The following link will take you to INQ7.net : Survivor Tales :But What Do You Call Someone Who Lost A Child?

TCF Credo

We need not walk alone.

We are The Compassionate Friends.

We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope.

Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes,
but our love for our children unites us.

Your pain becomes my pain just as your hope becomes my hope.

We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances.

Read more of the Credo 


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Home arrow Articles arrow Suicide arrow Grief Transition After A Child's Suicide
Grief Transition After A Child's Suicide Print E-mail
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Written by TCF (LaRita Archibald)   
Tuesday, 27 December 2005
When our child deliberately ends their life our grief is compounded. We grieve the loss of this precious part of our self and we grieve, as well, the fact of suicide....and all suicide means....and all society perceives it as meaning.

Every emotional response familiar in grief is intensified and complicated to almost intolerable dimensions by dread of punitive societal attitudes and religious biases; by fear for our surviving children; by obsessive guilt and unrealistic acceptance of responsibility; by a tremendous sense of rejection, inadequacy and failure; and by our anger....at God, ourselves, often at other family members and, perhaps most painful of all, at our dead child.

Unsuspecting, I was thrust into this over powering morass of emotional agony by the suicide of Kent, my bright, handsome 24 year old son. I could not be distracted from the horror of what he had done to his body, to his life and to the lives of those who loved him. How could this dreadful, senseless act have occurred within my family? How was it possible his desperate state of mind had gone unrecognized and untended? We should have known!!! I found small comfort in the bounty of sharing this tragic loss with my heart broken husband and our four grieving children. I believed my family was irretrievably broken and my life was over.

Oh, I never doubted that my existence would and must continue, but I saw this continuance as pain filled days stretching endlessly into years, to be endured without peace of mind or hope for happiness. I was bereft of understanding for why this unthinkable choice was made. Inexhaustible, I searched for answers, for reasons, for justification I was never to find. I was desolate in my need that the magnitude of my wounding from this child's intentional self inflicted death be understood and comforted. I felt assaulted, exposed, disgraced and estranged from society; fearful, without direction or assurance for my sanity.

I went through the motions of living. My physical self performed mundane tasks, even extended comfort and caring to others. But it was a facade, a shallow veneer around a vast, cold “nothingness.” I was wretched with self loathing, tormented by the belief something I had done or failed to do had so robbed my son of self love he could not live with the pain of it. I thought I would disintegrate from the embroiling force of rage, guilt and frustrated impotence. At times I found relief by having “finished” with part of this great complexity of emotion, only to have them erupt again, confusing in their nagging persistence to be reprocessed.
For months I remained entrapped within a restrictive grief cocoon; every thought possessed by my son's suicide; every heartbeat accentuating his loss; every moment consumed with hurting, hurting. I grew so very weary of hurting.

Perhaps it was this weariness that stirred a fluttering resistance against continuing within this torturous confine; for, fragile and unsure, a new being struggling to emerge; a being that wanted, needed, and yes, even deserved to be freed. This metamorphosis was not achieved quickly, painlessly or without reluctance, for I feared the glimpse of myself and my life forever changed. But I also glimpsed love and life waiting to be shared and I saw hope. I recognized the Ever- Presence of the God I had repudiated and my worth was reassured. I realized a deeper, richer appreciation of my strengths and found renewed confidence. I saw grief needs of others and found meaning and purpose. I grew to understand and accept that the time and love shared with my son, his death and my grief are, and will always be, a part of my life ....but they are not, nor have ever been ...the whole of it.

And I was freed.....from the bondage of my powerlessness over his death; freed from the consuming anguish of acute grief; freed…..to live again.

~ authored by
LaRita Archibald
2015 Devon, Co. Springs, C.o. 80909
© LRA 1986

 
 
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Chapter Meeting

Our monthly support group meeting is the heart of TCF. These gatherings provide a caring environment in which bereaved parents and adult siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences they are going through and receive the understanding support of others who have "been there." Read more.

TCF Principles

TCF offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents.

TCF believes that bereaved parents can help each other toward a positive resolution of their grief.

TCF reaches out to all bereaved parents across barriers of religion, race, income or ethnic group.

TCF understands that every bereaved parent has individual needs and rights.

TCF helps bereaved parents primarily through local chapters.

TCF chapters belong to their members.

TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents everywhere. 

Read more on Our Principles 

 
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