Tuesday, June 1, 2004

The wounds heal slowly

Memories seared into young survivors of crashes

IRENE HSIAO

Tucson Citizen

Frank Ramirez III, 21, can't shake haunting images in his mind from three years ago.

One minute he's in the back seat of a car, hearing laughter from his friends in front.

The next minute he's watching the car go up in a swirl of flames.

He wakes up in a hospital and hears the news that his friend Richard Hayes is dead.

That spring day in 2001, Ramirez became one of thousands of teenagers each year involved in fatal car crashes.

According to the National Highway Safety Administration, motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for 15- to 34-year-olds.

The toll financially and psychologically is difficult to tally.

Each teen, as well as his support network, is unique.

That support may be the difference between them abusing drugs or alcohol and dropping out of school or finishing high school and going to college. Sometimes, they make destructive choices despite support.

Help is available, although some survivors decline it and use other means, such as friends and hobbies, to get through grief.

Others turn to counseling or a group, The Compassionate Friends, that aids mostly parents of children who have died.

As a 15-year-old, Brian Koflanovich, 26, was involved in a wreck on the Northwest Side that killed a friend and permanently injured some survivors.

Koflanovich dealt with his pain by talking to friends. He didn't want to see a counselor.

The collision prompted a group of 25 friends who had been feuding to speak to each other again after some hadn't communicated in eight months, he said.

Facing the reality of a crash is the best way to get over the pain, said Patti Harada, an adjunct faculty lecturer in the University of Arizona psychology department.

"If you caused it, you're going to have to face the truth. You should not face the truth without a good dose of self-love," she said.

Harada, a grief and trauma counselor, said people involved in crashes must learn how to "absorb" the pain.

"They need to be genuinely and effectively kind to themselves when they do that," she said

Also, "there's nothing that makes sense about survivors' guilt," she added.

The survivor must learn to sit still with a relaxed body and feel that pain, Harada said.

Koflanovich, a banquet captain at Westward Look Resort, and five other then-Mountain View High students ditched school and were cruising Tucson streets Nov. 2, 1993, egging on the driver. Sometimes they would drive on the wrong side of the road, Koflanovich said.

This time, the Ford Bronco rolled about half a dozen times, he said.

Armando Nabor, 16, was killed. One passenger is a paraplegic; another suffered brain damage, Koflanovich said. The back passengers were ejected, he said. Front passengers wore seat belts, Koflanovich said.

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